Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize