i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
