There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
