honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize