I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
