and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
