dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you told grandpa to call you daddy
should my penis look like a turkey
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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