i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize