At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
