where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
