Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
