I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
