you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
