Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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