2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
