Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
