I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
