i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
he shaved USA in his pubs
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
