so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I wish you could order shots online.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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