I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
