He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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