wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
