I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
