when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Drunk is not a location!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
