he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
