Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
