there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
