how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
