I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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