I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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