Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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