I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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