i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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