She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize