Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
