Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize