First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
