Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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