And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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