he wants to bone in the snuggie
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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