That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
