You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
