Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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