Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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