They should really pass out barf bags in church
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
