I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
