We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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