I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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