i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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