how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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