You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
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