Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
