If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
