If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
