I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize