Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
