Sry I called you an 8
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
