I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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