I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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