she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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