she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
