Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
