we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
