Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just want nice things and good sex
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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