just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Come share oat with me in your robe
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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