And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
