life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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