So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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