Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
