trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
