once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
