i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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