I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
