sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
