there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
