there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
