I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
