She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
