Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
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