Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
