All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
