all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
two words: eviction party
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize