Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
