Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
