And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
