that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
