i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
