Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize