You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize