It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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