Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
